June already!

I can't believe this year is nearly half over. When the heck did that happen?! And when did my baby, my teeny tiny baby, become almost 11 months?! It's crazy that I'm planning her birthday & by planning I mean I found a theme & the supplies for cheap. I've yet to actually order them. :) I need too though so I can send out the invitations! Anyways, our munchkin is still tiny. Just over 14.5 lbs which I think is still like the size of a 6 month old. She's basically in size 9 month clothes though, I just need to switch out the clothes in her dresser. I will most likely next week, closer to her 11 month birthday. :)

Healthy. Well, something clicked & I knew it was time to finally lose weight. I've just been gaining & gaining & gaining. I gained back the 30 lbs I lost in 2011 plus 20 more pounds! Boo Me! I stepped on the scale yesterday & walked out the door a short time later(.76 miles). Got a new(to me) jogging stroller & walked out the door last night with hubby & dogs this time(.49). Ended up walking 1.25 miles yesterday which is so great for a first day. I tried to go back & see what my distances were from when I first started & the best I found was doing .88 in September which is at least 2-4 weeks after starting walking. I was doing Curves back then though also & I'm not anymore. Hard to go with a baby & no babysitter really close. Today I went back out & did .77. It wasn't easy to get out that door, I almost didn't go. I was so sore already & I pushed myself twice yesterday. Pushed myself on the first walk & then pushed myself to go back out. I knew today's walk would not be good but decided even .5 mile is .5 mile. It was easier than I thought it'd be & easier than yesterday. I stopped 5 times yesterday, every 2-4 minutes. Today I made it nearly 13 minutes before stopping for the first & only time. My body is more ready & stronger than I realized. I am EXTREMELY sore & stiff now though. But I'm just starting & really hope I keep up the walking. My body deserves it. Eating...well, that's a different story. Hoping all these cravings are just from the time of the month. Hope hope!

Last Saturday, for Father's Day, Mike & I had our first date day. Our marriage has been extremely strained. With baby, Mike being on post/working from 5am-5:30pm, his once a week basketball date(an hour), & his 2 classes there is no time for us. I know I'm not the best wife but he's definitely not been a good husband at all. He sees me staying home as being lazy/not doing anything. He gets "me" time, he gets to go to the gym & socialize with people. I'm at home. We've been trying to save money so he's been taking my car. Now I literally stuck at home with no opportunity to socialize. Anyways, our marriage is strained but I think it's getting better. The date day did seem to help somewhat. :) I think these walks will be good for me too because it is kinda ME time. I'm pushing baby but it's still like calm peaceful time for me. :)

Welp, that's life in a nutshell. Time to get back to baby. :)

A letter to my 21 yr old self

A friend wrote a letter to her 21 yr old self. I thought it was an interesting idea but also kind of stupid. Why write a letter to the person you were years ago. Her letter to herself pissed me off at points. I know she was writing about her own experiences & how she felt but some of the things seemed.... well, I won't say because I'm not trying to start drama, not that she'll read this but ok, whatever!

What I would tell myself if somehow, someway, my 21 yr old self could read this!!!

Dear Younger Me! First off, GET HEALTHY!!! Please please please for the sake of a healthier person, take charge & get healthy. Start to love exercise & eating better. You seriously just spiral down so far. It's not pretty. Food taste good now, to fix the bad, celebrate the good, etc but what it leads too is not worth it. I still need to take this advice.

Your marriage will get worse! Oh it will! But it also gets better. You do end up having great times & making great memories. Make good friends with MaryAnn now, she's a super sweet person! :) Also, what happened at your wedding, the mean hateful thing, will be apologized for. The relationship with certain people will get better but it'll never be that super close bond some lucky girls get. Other relationships don't even bother. It is not worth the pain inflicted on you because you're trying to be the better person & help. Just don't! Some people will always be self-centered & full of drama. Even when it's not your fault or you've done nothing wrong you will be blamed & be made to be the bad person. So yeah, don't even try to create that bond!

Baby names, Keep Your Darn Mouth SHUT!!! Trust me, trust me, trust me! Two separate people will use 2 names each you really like. Can you believe that? 2 separate people, each using 2 names on one child. For freaks sake Lisa, shut your trap! :) As for babies....you already somewhat know, you have a feeling, but yes, you will suffer with infertility & it will hurt like hell. A million immature, irresponsible, usually younger, people will get knocked up before you. You will see druggies, single parents, horrible parents, etc get knocked up time & time again before you, usually accidentally. Don't use food to heal the hurt because you will encounter A LOT OF IT! Also why I'm telling you to take care of yourself health wise! Fight the doctors to look past your weight & find the real issue. Because it is partially your weight but IT IS MORE! Your miracle will come. After many many many years, he/she will come.

Realize some friendship aren't real friendship. And cherish others! Jenny was a HUGE liar & it's frustrating but she will become the most caring loving person when you need her most! For her 22nd birthday don't be cheap & do party in a hotel room. It will be one of your biggest regrets if you don't. You will see her again but not in the way you think.

Deployments/Germany! You will encounter a few deployments & they majorly suck! You can make it through them. Your marriage will be strained & tested at times. Your marriage really is strong enough to make it through those. Germany, enjoy it more! Agree to travel with Mike, see more of that beautiful country.

Sincerely, 29 yr old you!