Moving Moving!

There are sure a lot of stresses right now & it sucks! Unexpected & Expected.

We're in middle of a move & it sucks! But I think we're making good progress. We've moved over most of Katie's room, at least the smaller things like all the closet, all her books, most of the toys. We could probably & should probably move more toys over, I swear they come out of nowhere. We have all of the linen/bedding closet moved, all of the baby stuff moved & all but the bed of the spare room moved. We have most of my extra/smaller clothes moved & we'll take a load with kitchen stuff today. We're trucking along on this move & it's really nice we have a full month to move. We're moving on post into a 4 bedroom town home style(2 story, ugh, suck me) home. The kitchen is tiny, the backyard is itty bitty, but Katie will get a play room AND there are 4 bedrooms! We have an actual guest room! Which yes, the big walk in closet will be our storage room BUT it's a room a little bit separate from the other rooms. In my opinion, a true guest room! The 3rd bedroom will be our crap/storage/baby room stuff room for now. It may become a 2nd kid's room but we're not decided. I guess it'll depend on if our second child is a boy or girl. I'm not worried about it now, I'm just focused on moving. The master is smaller than now but I hope it still fits all we need it to fit & the walk in closet is bigger. The best thing is we have a whole month to move over to the new home. On post ran a special where you get 2.5 months of rent free so that allowed us to sign in January & give us the month to move. We have to be out of this home by January 30th.

Good thing we're pocketing a month of rent in February also because our car needs major work. The air bag system/computer went out so it needs a brand new one or no air bags will deploy. It's a $1000 part, plus another $100 part for gas fumes. Add man hours, a new oil change, the diagnosis cost & we're probably going to be talking $2000. I HOPE for only $2000. It's going to wipe out of savings. We're going to have to really focus on building our savings this year, which that February rent will totally help & I guess some of the tax rebate also. Just sucks because the rebate was suppose to go fully towards the credit card. We're putting more money towards this car in the last 12 months than the damn thing is actually worth. But we need 2 vehicles & Mike's mustang is just not it! That thing has more issues than the Pontiac but Mike will never sell it. He refuses to realize it is a money pit or he jus doesn't care that it is. About that stupid thing, we're going to have to save so we can ship it to Ca sometime before we move again. We don't plan to move until the army makes us so we have 2 years or should.

We got another vehicle, a van. I didn't want to get it until February/March but Mike insisted we needed to look at them ASAP. Then we had to buy it ASAP. So December 29th we drove off, or Mike did, in our new 2011 Town & Country. It's a Touring L so that means it has bells & whistles which is AWESOME! Heated seats, heated steering wheel, power doors!, power tailgate, all stow & go seats which helps for moving! There are screens built in for the back 4 windows!!!! That is seriously super awesome to me, that there are sun screens/shields for those windows because you seriously need them with kids. It has navigation, Sirius radio, touch screen monitor. It's awesome basically. And seriously, I didn't want to get it when we did but now it's a life saver. It makes moving so much easier & we actually still have a family vehicle even though the Pontiac is in the shop. It's a good thing Mike insisted on it, we'd be lost right now without it.

Well, I guess one last little bit of news. We're expecting & are a few days(I hope) from finding out whether we're having a boy or girl. Our family will be complete in June 2015.

December

Wow, I haven't updated this in FOREVER!  Big things are happening, big big things. Our baby girl is 2. What? That's freaking crazy yo! I can't believe my baby girl is so grown up. She's so smart & full of energy. She's just like me which is good & bad. She's got my temper for sure. She knows her alphabet & we work on numbers. She's obsessed with the moon, clocks, trucks, buses, etc. She loves to be read to & to read herself. She loves fake talking on the phone but not so much real talking on the phone. She was 20 lbs at her 2 year appt & yesterday our scale said 21.6 lbs which usually is off by a pound or 2. Still I'd say she's about 22 lbs. Grow girl grow!

We found out this week we'll be moving & I am SO stressed about it. We found out they are raising our rent & we really can't afford that with the new changes coming in 2015. We'll be getting a new vehicle & have some things to buy so we can't put more towards rent. We found a place on post which will most likely be our new place. I'm not thrilled about being on post but there are some huge pros for it. Like no deposit & free rent for a few months. We don't have extra money for another deposit & being able to pocket a few weeks of BAH/rent to put towards the credit card or whatever will be so nice. On post place has 4 bedrooms even, which is super nice. It's 2 stories though, blah, but I guess that's nice. People sleeping won't be disturbed by people watching tv or whatever. The livingroom is under the master bedroom. The master is WAY smaller than we have now but the one now is HUGE! I hope we're able to fit everything in there. It might be a tight squeeze but we'll make due. We'll also have an extra bedroom if needed, before it becomes kid #2's room. The 4th bedroom, guest room, is down the hall from the other 3 rooms so our guests will have a little privacy. Also, that extra room could be a 2nd guest room if needed. We don't usually have so many people we need 2 rooms but it's happened. Anyways, moving. Ugh, Suck! If we pick on post, which come on, it's pretty set because of those huge pros aka no out of pocket money & pocketing some, we have to sign by 31 Dec. That'll give us all of January to move on post & clean this place. We have to be out of this place by 31 January but that'll easily be done having a place already. We'll start moving things over ASAP, the first days/weekend.

Anyways, I guess that's about it. The important things at least. :)

Family

I miss my family, I don't like being so far away. I've always hated that the military takes me away from our families & all the events that happen with them. I miss that, I miss the normalcy of going to birthday parties, weddings, gatherings. Since moving to Tn, it seems worse. I talk to my grandma more & she seems so sad. I know I'd probably end up mad if I was actually able to visit because she's so judgemental & she'd say something to offend me. So it's better that I just send cards & pictures and I talk to her on the phone once in a while. My dad & brother are in AR visiting my dad's dad. He's in the hospital & while I don't feel a connection to that grandpa, I do want to see my dad & brother, more my dad. They're only 7 hours away but with Hersh it's not feasible to pick up & go. I can't drive alone, that's too long for Katie to not go full breakdown. Shoot, she has about a million as it is. Terrible 1.5's! It makes me sad that our families are missing watching Katie grow up. I know they'll visit but once or twice a year to see your grandbabies is not ok. That sucks! :( I wish she got more extended family time. But I guess it is what it is.

Mike found out we may not be at Campbell for the full 3 years. This is an air assault post & because Mike has a profile he can't go to Air Assault school, therefore they don't want him here. We just moved so we're guessing it'll be a little while before they'd move us, maybe another year and by then Mike is hoping he's ready for the school. He just needs to lose the weight & get physically better so he can do it. He asked where I wanted to go. He brought up Irwin(southern Ca) or Riley(Ks, my brother lives in Ks). Both of those are more for me & being closer to family. I've been to Irwin once & honestly I'd be fine without ever going back. It's in the middle of NOWHERE! But it's also 5-6 hours from HOME! Back Home! What would beat being so darn close to family. I could go stay with them for a week here or there, go to family gatherings, etc. Nothing would beat being SO close to them. Except that it'd be because of being stationed in Irwin. Riley, the only upside I know is being close to my brother and we're actually not that's close (relationship). I like seeing him & spending time with him but I don't know, we're different I guess. I'm closer to my sister than my brother. Anyways, so we may be leaving Campbell sooner than the 3 years but I guess time will tell on that. And where we go, who knows. I know Mike mentioned Bragg right after we got here so who knows, maybe it'd be Bragg. It needs to be where Mike wants to go or he won't be happy. Truly, it's his needs/wants above everything else and that kind of sucks but I know that's how it is. Like I said, if it's not where he wants, he won't be happy and that'd make for a miserable life.

Anyways, back to life. Bye blog world! :)

30

I turned 30 yesterday, the big 3 0. Do I feel different? Yes. I know I'm the same person but I don't know, I feel like 30 is a big deal. 30 is ADULT, 30 is has your shit together or get it together. I've never been a partyer but it might've helped if Mike was. I get sleepy when I drink but I do, if I drink fast enough or enough alcohol get loud & become a babbler mouth. Hasn't happened in a few years. Now one drink & I'm ready for bed. Anyways, adult-hood. I feel like I should be doing something with my life & I know I'm not. Yes I'm a mother but I feel like I'm failing at that. I'm not happy with my life, with what I'm doing with it. I feel like I'm not contributing anything to this world. I won't get into the marriage aspect because that seriously needs work. On both sides. I'm more thinking of myself on this "what is your life", though my marriage a chunk of that.

Motherhood. Gosh, I'm bad at it. I thought "if only God would bless us, if only, I'd SHOW him! I'd show him how good of a mother I'd be. I wouldn't do all those things those bad mothers do". Pst! I don't pass my kids off on other people & I will never do that. Sorry, I wanted to be a mother & it's my job to be a full time mother. I'm comfortable leaving her with family to go out on an errand, for like an hour or two. And we did leave her for not even 48 hours, for our 10th Anniversary Getaway (which was only an hour away in case). But that's it. I've done tons of things I said I wouldn't though. I've yelled, I've gotten angry, I've ignored her, I've used tv as a babysitter or really, more as entertainment. It gets annoying not being able to walk without stepping over a kid, not being able to clean because miss brat is throwing a fit, being able to keep a room clean, having to clean the same room for the 3rd time that day or afternoon. Some nights I can't wait for her to go to sleep, most nights. I feel like a bad mom for all this. I feel like a bad mom & wife sorta that our 48 hour vacation was some of the best hours of my life. To be KID FREE! Our marriage was back to normal for those hours, I can relax for those hours. Then I think, oh my gosh, you LOVED the hours without your kid. I did. Our lives were back to the way it was before she came. Free! But would I trade her for our old life? No. I wanted her for a reason & I am so glad we were blessed. Am I bad mom? Reading this you'd definitely think yes, haha. And yes, sometimes I am a bad mom. I know it. But at times I'm a good mom, great mom even. But the bad mom moments always stick out to me. My kid is delayed on most things & I hear "its normal". Doesn't seem normal, how much longer it takes for her. I blame myself for it. Not because we don't work with her(we do), not because we don't encourage her(we definitely do), but there is some reason she's not getting it. Some reason she's behind. Anyways. I feel like a failure at motherhood.

Life/Career/Passion/ANYTHING! I feel like a personal failure. Because of my weight, my body, & no education. I don't have the strength or motivation to do anything. We don't go do things, fun things, because I'm in so much pain just walking for a few mins. I can shop, grocery shop, etc but an extended times. Carrying Katie hurts my back, walking around a zoo hurts my back immensely to where it locks up & I can barely move. I cleaned both bathroom & my very deep soaking tub killed my back to clean. I actually pulled something & have been in pain for 4 days. 4 fucking days! This weight is killing my back & I know I need to eat right & lose it. I need to exercise, but it hurts so bad. I've done it before & I know it involved so much pain & tears. Frustration & anger. But in a few months I was back to a normal human who could WALK & DO THINGS, FUN THINGS! I know I need to get on it, I want to be able to talk Katie to fun places, explore places to expand her mind. She's so smart & so curious. Other than weight, I'm doing nothing with my life. I didn't go to college, I don't do anything to make money. I liked photography & I liked cake decorating. Both are extremely physically taxing on your body. I thought (before we moved) I'll make bows, people always buy bows. Shoot, even if it was just for Katie to have a cute bow always. :) They can't be that hard right. :) Doesn't really interest me that much. Sounds interesting & fairly easy though, points for that. So, I think I'd like to get into cake decorating again but sadly know I couldn't handle the physical aspect. Oh, being on my feet that long & kneading/rolling fondant, or smoothing out butter cream. Big picture, I'm Lazy. I know I am. I need to change it. But it'll be hard. It'd also help if it wasn't freaking freezing here. Not getting above 32 all week & then highs of 38 all weekend. What the heck! Another excuse but a valid one at least. That is really cold.

So, I'm 30 & I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Other than my kid, who I do extremely love, I just want to be something more than just a mom. I want to feel like I actually bring something to this life/world/marriage. I don't know. Debby Downer right here.

Changes!

Our lives have changed so much this year, the last few years. I lost 30 lbs, got pregnant, gained a bunch but got to watch our miracle I prayed years for grow. Our miracle is now a year, WHAT! *cry cry* It was so bittersweet to celebrate her birth-day & her party. Her actual birthday was at an A's game, they lost, & her party was that Saturday (aug 3rd). It was so so so so bittersweet. My baby has grown. She doesn't like baby food & wants to feed herself. I don't have the patiences most of the time for her to spoon/fork feed herself but she's great with finger foods. She's a pretty good eater, variety wise, but I worry about the amount she eats. I knew exactly how much baby food she ate because I weighed it or the jar said so. Yes, I was lazy sometimes & used gerber. Also used the same jar to make baby food, so convenient! Now she feeds herself & seems she eats so little. It's frustrating. She's only gained, according to our scale, .2 lb in 7-8 weeks. GAIN KID GAIN!!! I thought for sure she'd be 15-15.5 lbs by now, she feels heavy. Nope, not even 15 (first thing in the morning). Her 1 year appt is today at 2 so she should have a good amount of food in her, definitely should be over 15 lbs. *Fingers crossed* She crawls like crazy & walks along furniture & toys. She's not too sure about the push-walker but we'll get there.

We lost a member of our family, Cinnamon. Cinn bit/attacked Katie so when we went to CA we gave her to Mike's brother. Katie only ended up with 3 little gashes & was completely fine. We couldn't keep Cinn & our options were putting her down or giving her to Mike's brother. He's always wanted her so it was our choice. Now I will tell you right now I don't give a rat's ass what you think we should've done. Most people think she should've been put down but she wasn't their dog & it wasn't their decision. It was ours & we made the one that felt right. Turns out brother expected a perfect dog & failed to realize she'd have issues after being uprooted from the life she's known for 3 years. We were her at least 3rd family & her longest family. It can't be easy. Also apparently she's left for long periods of time. Honestly I wish we would've put her down because she deserves better. I thought she was going to a family who had time for her & boatloads of love. They knew she needed a ton of attention & assured us she would get it. I don't know where she is, if they're still trying or not. I want to know but don't because it might not be a pretty situation. And I'm not talking for Cinn, I'm talking for me & what I may do. It didn't hit me, giving her up, until we got home. I miss her terribly & want her back. I know that's not an option, I can't have an aggressive dog around our daughter, but I wish it was. It's weird not having her here & I think there will always be a piece missing from my life. She was my dog-daughter & I expected to always have her.

Once again, I'm trying to get healthy. I let myself go badly and now that little miss is eating big people food and likes veggies/fruit I need to set an example. She wants to eat whatever you're eating so no more chips & crackers, no more junk. I have to share so I need to be eating something I'll feel good about sharing. Hopefully I can lost a grip of weight too!!! :)

Well that's it. Tschuess!

Horrible Mom

We seem to find ourselves between a rock & a hard place with it seems no place to go. On Wednesday, while I was in the bathroom Cinnamon attacked Katie. From what I gathered Cinnamon was sleeping on the couch & got spooked when Katie crawled into the room. Yeah, big bad 14.5 lb crawling baby. Katie ended up with scratches & 3 gashes on her head & forehead. They didn't seem super bad so I tried to treat them myself. We did end up taking her to the ER & she just ended up needing sterile strips to close/go over the little gashes. She's on an antibiotics too. We knew we couldn't keep Cinnamon, not after attacking Katie. She's always been a growly bitch but it seems to be increasing. When Cinn sleeps she wants no one around her, to come near her, or even move! We didn't want Cinn put down because she can be loving & she is nice to Katie when she wants to be. She's kissed Katie & tried to play with her. But Katie will continue to grow & become more mobile. She'll grab more & just .. yeah. Another attack would happen & Cinn would be put down. So we found a new home for her with a family member. Fast forward to now. Cinnamon has always seem to have skin issues on her belly. I don't know if the ants bite her or she lays in plants that irritate her skin, whatever. Usually goldbond helps. So I'm sure her skin was irritated before but after the attack & being kenneled by us for a few hours she has caused herself harm. She scratched the crap out of her belly & underarms. She has a puss-filled lump under one arm. We put boots on her back feet & got a cone to stop all scratching & licking but she needs to see a vet. Bad! Only problem, she's on 10 day quarantine! I mentioned going to get her shots before heading to Ca & the guy looked like he was going to harm me! She's not allowed to leave the house, no if's, ands, or buts! I'm trying to treat/help her the best I can but I'm not a vet. I tried an epsom salt soak/rag which probably really didn't help. Why would it? Salty water soak on red irritated skin? Stupid online suggestion! I didn't think it through, it probably was so incredibly painful, but I was just trying to help! Then I made an oatmeal paste we left on for a little while. I think that did help but she's still so messed up. Touching even near the area makes her jump & jerk. She has to slowly inches herself down to sleep. For the longest time last night she wouldn't even lay down, it hurt her too much. After the oatmeal she did lay down, slowly but surely. I'll continue to do oatmeal treatments but I really need Mike to help because someone has to hold her & try to calm her. Also, SHE NEEDS A VET! Mike is suppose to call & explain the situation but I have little faith. In any other case not taking her to the vet would be animal cruelty. She's in pain, serious pain, & we can't do anything about it. If I had only put Katie in the playpen after our nap & while I went to the bathroom. It was only 30 seconds but Katie is fast & Cinnamon was in a mood I guess. If only I had listened to my conscious! Something told me I should put Katie in the playpen, not let her free, but ... I didn't listen. I didn't listen & I regret it so incredibly much. Now my child has wounds on her forehead & Cinnamon has wounds too that can't be properly treated. Also, we have to give Cinnamon away. To someone who has loved her since he met her, actually before he met her because he loves bassets, but still to someone else. In a way I feel we're abandoning her. We rescued her from the pound, we were suppose to be her forever family. She has issues & I wonder if her new home/parents can handle them. I know they'll love her & probably give her way more attention than we can. Don't get me wrong, this dog gets tons of attention, but she's also jealous of all other attention Hershey & Katie get. But she does have issues. Will she bark too much for them? For their neighbors? Will she rebel from being rehomed & run away or be aggressive? I just have concerns but I guess they don't matter. It's this new home or be put down. It'll do her good to be the only dog in the house & that's what she'll be with her new family. We'll take her to Ca & not bring her back. That'll be weird. But I know she'll be so loved & spoiled. I just really hope they can accept her, flaws and all. At least she has a second chance. Really, it's like her 4th. She was found on the street by her previous owner so we're her at least 3rd owner. I expected her last but ... life happens I guess. :( I just really hope we're able to get her vet care before we leave. The day her quarantine is lifted is the day we're suppose to leave. That's still a week away & she can't wait a week to be treated. Not when it hurts her to walk or move. I'm afraid if we take her against their will they'll take her so I really hope they understand & let us get her treated! Poor Cinnamon & poor Katie! At least Katie isn't afraid of the dogs. She went right up to Hershey after getting home from the ER. Cinnamon mostly stays away from Katie but she has kissed her hand & walked by her. Well, that's about it. My epic mom fail! I let my daughter & dog-daughter down!

June already!

I can't believe this year is nearly half over. When the heck did that happen?! And when did my baby, my teeny tiny baby, become almost 11 months?! It's crazy that I'm planning her birthday & by planning I mean I found a theme & the supplies for cheap. I've yet to actually order them. :) I need too though so I can send out the invitations! Anyways, our munchkin is still tiny. Just over 14.5 lbs which I think is still like the size of a 6 month old. She's basically in size 9 month clothes though, I just need to switch out the clothes in her dresser. I will most likely next week, closer to her 11 month birthday. :)

Healthy. Well, something clicked & I knew it was time to finally lose weight. I've just been gaining & gaining & gaining. I gained back the 30 lbs I lost in 2011 plus 20 more pounds! Boo Me! I stepped on the scale yesterday & walked out the door a short time later(.76 miles). Got a new(to me) jogging stroller & walked out the door last night with hubby & dogs this time(.49). Ended up walking 1.25 miles yesterday which is so great for a first day. I tried to go back & see what my distances were from when I first started & the best I found was doing .88 in September which is at least 2-4 weeks after starting walking. I was doing Curves back then though also & I'm not anymore. Hard to go with a baby & no babysitter really close. Today I went back out & did .77. It wasn't easy to get out that door, I almost didn't go. I was so sore already & I pushed myself twice yesterday. Pushed myself on the first walk & then pushed myself to go back out. I knew today's walk would not be good but decided even .5 mile is .5 mile. It was easier than I thought it'd be & easier than yesterday. I stopped 5 times yesterday, every 2-4 minutes. Today I made it nearly 13 minutes before stopping for the first & only time. My body is more ready & stronger than I realized. I am EXTREMELY sore & stiff now though. But I'm just starting & really hope I keep up the walking. My body deserves it. Eating...well, that's a different story. Hoping all these cravings are just from the time of the month. Hope hope!

Last Saturday, for Father's Day, Mike & I had our first date day. Our marriage has been extremely strained. With baby, Mike being on post/working from 5am-5:30pm, his once a week basketball date(an hour), & his 2 classes there is no time for us. I know I'm not the best wife but he's definitely not been a good husband at all. He sees me staying home as being lazy/not doing anything. He gets "me" time, he gets to go to the gym & socialize with people. I'm at home. We've been trying to save money so he's been taking my car. Now I literally stuck at home with no opportunity to socialize. Anyways, our marriage is strained but I think it's getting better. The date day did seem to help somewhat. :) I think these walks will be good for me too because it is kinda ME time. I'm pushing baby but it's still like calm peaceful time for me. :)

Welp, that's life in a nutshell. Time to get back to baby. :)

A letter to my 21 yr old self

A friend wrote a letter to her 21 yr old self. I thought it was an interesting idea but also kind of stupid. Why write a letter to the person you were years ago. Her letter to herself pissed me off at points. I know she was writing about her own experiences & how she felt but some of the things seemed.... well, I won't say because I'm not trying to start drama, not that she'll read this but ok, whatever!

What I would tell myself if somehow, someway, my 21 yr old self could read this!!!

Dear Younger Me! First off, GET HEALTHY!!! Please please please for the sake of a healthier person, take charge & get healthy. Start to love exercise & eating better. You seriously just spiral down so far. It's not pretty. Food taste good now, to fix the bad, celebrate the good, etc but what it leads too is not worth it. I still need to take this advice.

Your marriage will get worse! Oh it will! But it also gets better. You do end up having great times & making great memories. Make good friends with MaryAnn now, she's a super sweet person! :) Also, what happened at your wedding, the mean hateful thing, will be apologized for. The relationship with certain people will get better but it'll never be that super close bond some lucky girls get. Other relationships don't even bother. It is not worth the pain inflicted on you because you're trying to be the better person & help. Just don't! Some people will always be self-centered & full of drama. Even when it's not your fault or you've done nothing wrong you will be blamed & be made to be the bad person. So yeah, don't even try to create that bond!

Baby names, Keep Your Darn Mouth SHUT!!! Trust me, trust me, trust me! Two separate people will use 2 names each you really like. Can you believe that? 2 separate people, each using 2 names on one child. For freaks sake Lisa, shut your trap! :) As for babies....you already somewhat know, you have a feeling, but yes, you will suffer with infertility & it will hurt like hell. A million immature, irresponsible, usually younger, people will get knocked up before you. You will see druggies, single parents, horrible parents, etc get knocked up time & time again before you, usually accidentally. Don't use food to heal the hurt because you will encounter A LOT OF IT! Also why I'm telling you to take care of yourself health wise! Fight the doctors to look past your weight & find the real issue. Because it is partially your weight but IT IS MORE! Your miracle will come. After many many many years, he/she will come.

Realize some friendship aren't real friendship. And cherish others! Jenny was a HUGE liar & it's frustrating but she will become the most caring loving person when you need her most! For her 22nd birthday don't be cheap & do party in a hotel room. It will be one of your biggest regrets if you don't. You will see her again but not in the way you think.

Deployments/Germany! You will encounter a few deployments & they majorly suck! You can make it through them. Your marriage will be strained & tested at times. Your marriage really is strong enough to make it through those. Germany, enjoy it more! Agree to travel with Mike, see more of that beautiful country.

Sincerely, 29 yr old you!

The bad side of Motherhood

I love being a mother & seeing my baby grow and blossom. I just moved her into her big girl carseat AKA convertible one which daddy was hesitant. I had to take the old one out before he'd use the big girl one, which takes up more room unfortunately! She now high chair sits at restaurants or in a shopping cart. She's nearly crawling & that's exciting! "Oh, you'll not be able to sit soon". She's all over now, what's the difference? She already goes after dog toys & she rolls every where.

So the downside, especially when you know babies about the same age. The stress & worry about whether your baby is progressing like she should. She's slower than everyone else. She has a cousin who is 2 months younger but bigger and more advanced. Cousin started sitting first & I think cousin is crawling or nearly crawling which is where Katie is. I feel like Katie is judged and it sucks. Katie is TINY for her age, well maybe not tiny but very small. I'm sorry my kid isn't a heffer, my kid isn't normal weight & height for her size. I'm sorry so & so is younger but in bigger clothes. My nearly 9 month(3 days shy) old just moved up to 6-9m clothes, which doesn't seem that behind really. They're big on her but 6m are tight. I know I judge her against other babies too. I feel like it's a reflection on me, like I'm doing something wrong. That sounds bad, what I mean is I feel like I'm failing her. All babies are different, I know. Katie also doesn't eat normal for her age. 20-24 oz of formula plus solids is what she should be eating. 24 is about her total for the day, with solids. About 50/50 solids/formula. Katie sleeps about 10 hrs a night & goes 12 hrs between feedings over night. (she usually gets a short burst of energy after night meal) Only leaves 12 hrs for meals, which is 4 of them. 3 of which include solids. She has her 9 month appt on Wednesday & I'll talk to the doctor but I'm not sure what I can do. All in all, I don't care if she doesn't eat as much or if she's behind other babies her age or even younger as long as the doctor is ok with it & she's healthy! All I want is for her to be healthy! It's hard not to judge your baby against other babies. But so & so is already doing this, so many babies are doing this already or so & so is younger and already doing this, why isn't Katie? Katie has NO desire to walk or bounce in toys. She's definitely going to be a late walker which might work out good for our move in September. Late, Early, gosh the stress. At least she's a good solids eater. She loves her solids & she loves her finger food snacks. That's one thing she's not behind on, my kid LOVES more advanced foods or maybe they're age appropriate foods. Just seems weird she's already eating finger foods/small chunks of food. Wasn't I just pregnant & awaiting her arrival? It goes fast, that's for sure.

Welp, rant/whine/blog over. I hate insomnia!

Who is in the house?!

I've had experiences in this house & Mike always thinks I'm crazy. "You were asleep", "You're paranoid", "It's in your head". What's funny is when people actually talk about it a lot of people have had experiences. So, fast forward! About a week ago Mike turned it to this show about spirits or weird experiences. I'm always afraid to watch these shows because I'm afraid it's going to spark activity. The one story I remember about this show a week(ish) ago is about a man trying to pay a bill late at night & 2 "kids" walk up to his car. They want a ride but he's cautious & won't let them in. Turns out "kids" are evil, no eyed, spirits or whatever the heck. So, since that show little things have happened here. Things not being where I left them-ok, I'm absent minded & I really didn't leave them where I thought. A few days ago though things I can't explain started. It started Saturday. Our hallway is shaped like an upside down L. I was holding Katie on the couch & she kept staring down the hallway, towards the corner. She'd stared for a long time & then look at me, then stare again for a long time, then look at me. She did this for probably 5 mins. She was seeing something & I don't know if it's good or bad and that scares me. Sunday I was going to make a pb&j so I went to get the peanut butter & noticed the lid was off. Now, it's on the top shelf & I haven't used it in quite a while. But ok, lid wasn't screwed. That'd be fine except the lid was sitting on top of the cracker box which wasn't behind the pb until the day before. I got groceries & slide the box behind the pb. So, that was really weird & I'm sure some people could say me moving the box hit the jar just right to make the lid fall. But you can't explain my child staring down the hall for 5 mins & looking at me with an unsure face. I even tried to distract her & make her smile, which she did but then she stared back down the hall. She saw something, someone was there. And you better believe every night I pray/tell any bad/harmful spirits to get out of my house & away from my family. Also pray for protection. Brings us to today. I smell cigarette smoke, in the corner area of the hallway. At first it was very faint but it's something you know it when you smell it. I'm putting up folded clothes & each time I walk by it's stronger. I switched out Katie's clothes for larger one (could've waited, she still fit in 6m but I'm in a cleaning frame of mind lately. Probably because we'll have company in just over 1.5 weeks) & when I walked through the area again it had moved more to our room. Before I started the Katie clothes task I said "I know someone is here so somehow let me know who you are". Then I sat on the floor pulling out the smaller clothes which took about 5 mins. I left to get bigger clothes & when I walked back into our room smelled the strong smoke, like whoever is here was watching me. My first thought is my grandma Peggy, she's just the first one I think of when I think of spirits visiting. I've dreamt visited Jenny but I don't think she smoked. I believe grandma Peggy did. I think a few people did so it could be someone else but who knows. I wish I could communicate with loved ones and obviously someone is here. Katie has seen them & I've smelled them.

October

Life has been hectic, that's for sure. We went to Ca on September 17th & came home October 1st. We spent the first week at my parent's house & the second at Mike's parents. It was mostly a good visit but it seems every time we go home Mike & I leave feeling weird. I won't go into details but I guess there is always a sense of disappointment with some part of the visit each time we go home. Oh well I guess, such is life & we need to just focus on our lives. We have a beautiful daughter & she is now our lives. Katie did get to meet some amazing people! My dad was crazy about her & she was of course crazy about him. She "talked" so much to him & really only him. She'd "talk" to other people but not like she did with my dad. She also got to meet her great-grandpa & he got to meet her, the first great-granddaughter of the family. I have some amazing pictures of our visit to see Papa. :)

Our Bug-a-lug is now about 9 lbs. She was 8lbs 6oz & 20.25 inches long on October 2nd. She was about 8lbs 13oz on the 9th. The 9th weigh is a guesstimate from weighing myself, then myself with her on our scale. She's growing so big & changing so much! She's talking more & more and smiles more. In 3 short days she'll be 11 weeks/2.5 months old. Where has the time gone?! My baby girl! At 10 weeks old I finally packed up her newborns. She's now in 0-3 month clothes! At 9 weeks I moved her up to size 1 diapers. Off-brand size 1's because pamper 1's are ginormous still. I'm amazed how long she stayed in newborn diapers & clothes though honestly she could've moved up a few weeks ago. I was just holding on. 0-3's fit her pretty well already. :) Hopefully we make it to 4 months before having to move her up to size 3m or 3-6. Yes, I'm trying to hold onto my tiny baby!

Health. Man, it's time to kick our butts into shape. Seriously!!! I'm still extreme-slowly losing but I need to lose real weight. I'd like to lose about 20 lbs by Christmas. Before pregnancy I had lost 28 lbs, gained it all back during pregnancy & I've lost all of that plus 2-3 lbs. That's all good but I don't look like I did a year ago. I know pregnancy changes your body but I'm not happy with it. In my mind I look pregnant. Not happy with that so I need to change it. I plan to start walking with Mike when he gets back from Utah. He's there for a work/training thing & gets home tomorrow. I know Mike will be completely on board with losing weight & eating healthier because I know he's not happy with himself either. Plus, we need to be good examples for our daughter. We need to eat healthy before she starts eating solid foods so she'll be eating the same things as us & not healthier than us. :)

Welp, that's about it. Here are a few photos from Tuesday. Miss Katie's 10 week birthday!

Month 2

We have entered our second month as parents. Tomorrow Kate will be 5 weeks old which isn't real. She's getting SOOOOO big & it makes me sad. At her month appt last Tuesday she weighed 6 lbs 9oz & was 19 inches long. I don't think she really stretched her out though because she had to of grown more than 1/4 inch in 2 weeks. She grew 1.5 inches in her first 2 weeks & she seems so much longer than 19 inches. She's getting so heavy too. I'm amazed how heavy she feels. She's still a good baby but she fusses way more than before. Sometimes she just needs her daddy though. I can rock, bounce, pat, jiggle her for an hr but daddy takes over and 5 mins later she's asleep. Grrrr! It's quite frustrating. My patience has grown though, I don't get as frustrated or overwhelmed during her crying fits now. Mike's patience is still growing, he gets frustrated quickly but he sticks with it now instead of handing her back off. :) She's still in newborn clothes & newborn diapers. I will sad when we need to move up to size 1 diapers & bigger clothes. Thankfully I do have some bigger newborn clothes so I can pretend my baby isn't growing so quickly. She's still in the smaller ones but when needed we can switch to the slightly bigger ones and Mommy can take happiness that Kate is still wearing newborn clothes. :)

Weight is not still coming off. "Breastfeeding melts the weight off" my ass! I've stayed the same weight for 2 weeks now. Not sure how Mike is doing but he's been gyming it.

CA! We'll hopefully be going in 2 weeks. My wound isn't healing quite as fastly as hoped. It's about half closed & it's been a month. Currently *TMI-maybe* it's 3.75 inches wide & 1.75 inches deep. It's infected too because some dumbass nurse didn't use proper hygeine practices when changing & repacking my wound. It now has 2 infections & I'm on 2 meds to fight it. We found out about 1 infection & quickly the wound started looking better but this weekend it started looking worse & come to find out it had developed a second infection. Grrr! We called off the CA trip because of infection 1(& other reasons) but once it started getting better I pushed for going again. Then infection 2.... So we'll see. I am worried about going home while the wound is still open but I really really want my dad to meet his granddaughter. Mike's parents have met her & my mom & sister have met her but the one person I desperately want to meet her is my dad. I also want her to meet her great-grandpa Papa(Fred) & also Mimi. She is their first great-granddaughter & all. :) I know other people want to meet her too but the 2/3 people I care about her meeting are my dad & the great-grandparents. :)

Well, I guess that's all. I guess I should get back to baby girl. I think I'll always call her baby girl.

Crazy Life

Life is so totally crazy but so totally amazing! Our daughter is 19 days old & I'm still in denial that she's ours. Our baby girl, our daughter! It's weird to call her Katie & know we have a daughter named Katelyn. A name I picked out 10 years ago for a daughter should we ever be blessed with one. Life is so totally amazing with her. I admit, the late night/early morning feedings are HARD! It's hard to have to wake up every 3-4 hrs. I often take midday naps because my energy is zapped. I'm also still healing from the Csection. Mike is a pretty good daddy but his patience is lacking. A fussy baby & daddy don't mix. :) She's actually a really really good baby so we're definitely lucky when it comes to that. If you want to know all about her birth click here.

The dogs are doing pretty good with baby. Hershey of course is a big brother & wants to help when she's fussy. Well, he wants to help all the time. He kisses her whenever he can sneak a kiss & he's always checking on her. Cinnamon has kissed her a few times but she's more interested in getting attention & being loved on. Both have had their jealous moments but Cinnamon definitely is way more jealous. I figured she would be. She can't have all the attention now which she doesn't like.

I'm not sure how Mike is doing on weight loss but I am nearly back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm definitely hoping to be at pre-pregnancy by Katie's 3 week birthday which is in 2 days. :) I can definitely get there if I don't eat horribly. Not that I've been keeping track of my weight, I actually just first stepped on the home scale 3 days ago. The next goal will be to get to my lowest weight so far which is 10 lbs away. :) Mike has a PT test at the end of this month so fingers crossed he's ready for it & is at a good enough weight for it. :)

Well, that's about it. Have a great day!

Induced....

Today is a big day! Today I find out whether I'm being induced or if I'm staying on bedrest for a little while longer. Could be til tomorrow, could be for another week or two. I honestly could see it going either way. I don't know how serious my protein numbers are. I know what they are, the actual number, & I know it's considered high, but I don't know if it's induce today high or bedrest is ok high. I slept surprisingly well which may bite me in the ass. Just because if I slept a little crappy then I'd probably zonk again before I have to call & he can't get mad at me for calling later if I'm sleeping. Sleep is great for high bp! :)

Induced today?! Am I really ready to meet our daughter? Not that it matters if I am if the doctor wants her out. I'm hoping because she's still doing so well, because the preeclampsia isn't affecting her at all it seems, that I can stay on bedrest. I will try to take it easy but pst! I have a baby to finish getting ready for! :) Mike is really scared of being induced today or soon. He kept saying it seems too early for her to come, it's only 5 days short of a month early. *Big Breath* I don't know, I honestly don't know what Dr. Silva is going to do or if he even works today. I'm semi hoping he's not there so he can't make the call today. But Stephens would be & they'd most likely let her decide. My life, today, is in my OB's hands. Even if I make it past today without induction it could be tomorrow. I hope they let me wait it out til at least tomorrow since I have an appt. I know if I do make it past today chances are I might not tomorrow. My levels were above the all mighty 300 but the on-call OB did let me go home so it's not super duper induced that day high.

My feelings on it. It is so early! They have me at 36.5 weeks which while is considered 'pre-term', it's only a few days short of 'term'. I know staying in there would be beneficial to her if the pre-eclampsia isn't bad, which I think it is still in the beginning stage...hopefully. Either way, induced or not, I will be happy & disappointed! Not induced- happy we're still ok to keep cooking but a little sad it's not time to meet her. Induced- so scared, she's preterm still, but excited to be on our way to meeting her. I don't want to be induced but part of me does. Ok, I am psycho, I will not be happy either way. I will not be happy if they don't induce me because I am & have been worried sick about being induced. The charge nurse insisted she thinks I'll be sent right back on Monday so in my head I should be being induced today. Also in my head I think "oh, he won't induce. All my labs beside the urine were great!". Only the protein & slight high BP are my problems. I will not be happy if I'm induced because that means right back to the hospital, boo! It also means my numbers are high enough to be dangerous to our daughter & that's really not cool. It's scary as hell! I am SO ready to have her in my arms but I'm also so Not ready yet!

It is a huge week basically. Because like I said, even if I make it past today, if they don't induce me today, he very well could induce me tomorrow! I don't want 8-9am to come because I'm not ready to know but oh my gosh, get here so I can know already! If I'm not induced today then I get to experience all of this anxiety tomorrow!!! Yay!

Update: No induction today (Monday, July 23rd) but I have a feeling I might be tomorrow. I may be able to stay on bedrest if my BP is normal enough but we'll see. At least I'll know by 9:30-10am either way.

July Baby

I'll start with what's new with us. Mike got evaled for instructor of the quarter so YAY to that. He got instructor of the month for June. :) He was suppose to have a PT test at the end of this month but it got moved to the end of next month. He figured he'd miss next month's one because he plans to take a full month off after baby but....that might not incompass his PT test anymore.

The dogs are good. Spoiled as always. It'll be interesting how they do with baby. Hersh will be great I know, Cinnamon will be the real one to see.

Baby. Well, high blood pressure is definitely back & it's prenatal hypertension now. It's gone up. It was quite high this week & I ended up being sent to the hospital for a 24 hr observance & urine collection. I did the urine test & blood work this week but the stupid lab didn't do it correctly. It was frustrating being at the hospital for over 24 hrs just because the lab fucked up my protein analyst & trust me, I was B I T C H Y! :) I figured all would be fine. Not so fast! My BP in the hospital (once I settled down from the shock & anger) was decent. It was my high normal, 130's. It went back into the 120's for most of the stay & it went back to 130's waiting to leave because, yeah I was BEYOND ready! Protein analyst came back high. My OB wasn't working this weekend so I was released, thank goodness. I have to call my OB on Monday to see what he wants to do. If I can just stay on bedrest for another week or two or if they're going to induce me. I'll be at least 36.5 weeks according to them (37.5 according to me). Oh, I did get an ultrasound at the hospital to measure her size & she's now 6lbs. She was 6 exactly on Friday! :) It's crazy to think we may be holding a 6 lb baby in our arms this week. :)

Well, that's about it. Tschuess!

Oh, a few fun tidbits. She's still very active!!! Also, I felt my first set of hiccups. Actually, I've felt 2 sets for sure & both were at the hospital. Oh my gosh, she takes after Mommy with those, they were SOOOO strong. It really was amazing! :)

Baby Girl

Who would've thunk it. Little baby girl will be here in less than a month. Saturday hits 4 weeks til she's due. Now, she may be early or late & I'm hoping she's not late! I told her before anything after 36 weeks is good. Now.....she must wait til 38 because I can't imagine her coming already. That'd just crazy! I probably won't be ready at 38 either but those 2 extra weeks currently are letting me breathe easier. Speaking of breathing...ok, not really. Supposedly these little ones should be less active because they have less room right? Pst! This little girl is an acrobat at night. Bedtime is her playtime & she moves like crazy. It's so amazing! She's everywhere too. Low, Middle, High. Everywhere. No rib kicks yet & I wonder if I'll get any. Maybe as a parting shot she'll kick ribs. :) No braxton hicks either. No hiccups either. :)

The good stuff. We had an ultrasound today & for the first time they were incredibly slow & I got called early. Whoops, Mike wasn't there so I waited. Baby girl was active today which they always seemed to want at other appts (where she was sleeping) but today the lady said "oh, she's tired of being messed with". You want her active but when she is you make the scan short. Not happy because we didn't get a single picture. I was hoping a face shot would help us decide on her name. But nope. We do know she's measuring at(about) 5lbs 7oz which is the 41st percentile. She's a small average baby! :) I told Mike at lunch "I have a 5.5 lb baby in there right now! That's crazy". It truly is crazy.

Well, that's all I really wanted to write about. We're down to 2 names & one of the choices changed but oh well. Mike polled his work & they like one name a lot. I'm not so sure about the name. Most likely she'll be named at the hospital, once we see her. :)

Relax!

Today was my first weekly OB appt. I admit since my last appt I've been so anxious to get everything ready for the hospital. Nothing like being admitted to kick you in the ass & tell you "hey, baby could come any day". I didn't go crazy prepping because I still had 6 weeks til she's due and my bp was nearly perfect at the hospital. Still, there was still always that "you need to be ready in case....". I washed, santized, & prepped quite a bit for baby. My diaper bag is about half packed & my hospital suitcase(small) is basically empty. Should I have been sent back to the hospital today I probably would've been fully ready by next week BUT I wasn't. BP still high but high normal. No concern! I can rest easily for another week & hope for the best next week. The BIG week. We have labor class & an ultrasound next week. An exciting week! :)

Her name, our munchkin's name. We're close. It's down to 2. I've yet to talk to Mike about them because it never seems like the right time. Why is it so hard for me to bring up what we want to name her? I don't know. But I do know it's between 2 names. 2 good names! :)

Mike is rocking it on exercise. He goes to the gym often and he's been doing nightly walks with the dogs. I usually am too sore or not feeling well. I'm hoping to be able to start going again soon. This week though it's been gloomy & stormy. You don't know if it's going to rain or not & here it starts at the drop of dime and it starts out HARD! If we were in the middle of our walk we'd be completely soaked within 2 mins. Just what I need, the extra weight of drenched clothes. It's hard enough with the weight I already have. :) But I'm proud of Mike. He has a PT test at the end of this month.

Welp, that's all folks!

Eventful Week

This week is going to be eventful kinda. Mike volunteered the both of us to work at a softball tournment this week. Mike volunteered me because he gets my hours too towards his total. We showed up yesterday & she(volunteer head) wouldn't let me do anything because I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant, not crippled! Oh well I guess, I get to sit there watching the game while supposedly "earning" hours towards Mike's total. Good for him! I guess we'll work Wednesday & Friday again. Then I believe the 7-12th we'll work probably every day through 2 games so it'll add 4 hrs per person per day.

Today I had my first L&D admittance. Technically it's Maternal & Child at our hospital. My BP was very high at my OB appt so they sent me to the hospital. I was scared to death & Mike didn't take his phone today so I was alone. That was the worst part, just not having him there for support and knowing if something was wrong I'd have no way of getting ahold of him. My BP there was nearly perfect & baby was completely fine. She was actually quite feisty today & kicked the doppler machine both at the OB & at the hospital. Her heart beat stayed mostly around 147-154 while we were there. I have no gestational diabetes, I have no signs of preeclampsia, there were no proteins in my urine, & baby is not stressed in any way. I was & am completely fine. It was a long long 2.5 hrs though I will tell you. The last hour was just waiting on results which is frustrating when all you want to do is go home! I did LOVE getting to listen to baby girl's heartbeat non-stop for at least an hour. It's such an amazing sound!!!

Because of the high bp(at the ob) I've been taken off Curves which sucks! I will miss my ladies! I was hoping & expecting to continue past 36 weeks but I'm only 33 now. :( Oh well I guess. If my bp continues to be high I may be put on partial bedrest. I don't do much during the day anyways so that's not really an issue. We'll see I guess. Good to know though that I don't have to worry about g.d. & I have no signs currently for preeclampsia. :) Baby Girl & I are healthy!

The dogs are good also. Our spoiled brats! :)

Sunshine

The sun is surely shining here. It's been in the 100's this week, ugh! This weekend is suppose to be 100 + rain/storms! Double Yuck! But when I say Sunshine, I mean our baby girl! She loves the song "You are my Sunshine". Almost every time I play it on my phone (& hold it to my belly) she'll react. She loves any music played though. I've also started singing it to her & today she reacted to my singing. Maybe to tell me it was bad, who knows. :) I don't know if this little girl will ever know how truly loved & how truly wanted she was. No one who hasn't struggled with infertility will ever know the pain or heartache and will never know the depth of the love you develop even before conception. I will never be able to show her how much I love her, even if I kissed her non-stop for the rest of her life. She is such an amazing blessing & I can't wait to hold her in my arms. I can't wait to see her, smell her, hold her, comfort her, & love on her. She is my sunshine & she is my everything! My dream come true!

Names, we are getting close. I know she will either be Katie or Allie! I've narrowed it down to 3 names! One of which Mike doesn't like BUT it may be our compromise name. He dreamt of & wants "Allie" but the Allie name he likes I'm on the fence with. At times I love it & times I hate it. The second Allie name is the one he doesn't like. "Katie" is the name I've had picked out since I was 18 so...10 years. Gosh I'm old! He likes the Katie name but he doesn't like my spelling. I'm telling you this man is picky! We're both stubborn so it's been really hard. At times I feel she's a Katie & other times I feel she's an Ally/Allie. Mike also likes the spelling 'Allie' & no other way! I'm telling you, we're two super stubborn people! But I am usually the one who gives in. I don't know if I can give into the Allie name he likes though. We need to discuss it but it never seems like the right time. Oh well, at least I know for sure we're narrowed down to 3 names! Or I am. :) She could surprise us & be born on August 12th, Mimi's birthday. Then she could be named Melissa & I'd call her Ellie. I've decided that I'm not letting one or two people decide what we name our daughter. I don't care who or what was named it before or how this person was associated with the family. This is OUR daughter & that is the name Mimi picked. It is OUR choice whether we use it.

The rest of us are doing good. Baby girl is getting bigger & making me more & more uncomfortable. Mike doesn't seem to understand & he still expects me to be a sprite young thing. He doesn't understand how painful walks can be or how lack of sleep affects me. He's a man! He has a PT test in about 6 weeks, hopefully he'll be good for it. The dogs are good. Spoiled still but they're becoming more momma dogs at times. It's odd but I'll find them crowded around me or snuggling with me when I'm use to them being daddy's dogs. Don't get me wrong, they are still Daddy's dogs but they're having mommy moments. Especially Cinnamon, she's followed me more. :) Welp, I guess that's it for what's new. Tschuess!

Why is this so freaking hard!!!

I am so tired of trying to name our daughter! So tired! I'm tired of hearing about what everyone thinks of the names we're thinking about. I like this name, I think that one, no you can't name her that. Everyone is going to have their opinions & that's fine. It really doesn't bother me hearing what everyone likes or doesn't like. My problem is I can't decide what I like. No, I take that back, I KNOW what I like but Mike doesn't. Mike thinks we're close but we did kinda have a "it's coming together" moment a few nights ago. We were watching TV and one of the names I like came on the screen. Mike asked if that's how I would spell it. Yup! What would her nickname be. *name* Of course he likes it, I knew he would. It's the nickname he dreamed about in December before we knew we were expecting. I ran with it, ok, these are 2 other names that would also use that nickname. He likes both. There are 2-3 names popping around & I was SO excited that we finally had it narrowed down. 2 names but one has 2 ending options (ra or ria). I have tried so hard to accept one of these names. I LOVE one name but it seems to big & fancy for our sweet little girl. I like the other but it seems a little plain & I know someone who has a daughter with that name. Why can't Mike just like the name that originally started that night's conversation?! Then we'd both be extremely happy. He'd get his nickname & I'd get the name I like. But is that name too cute & sweet? Both of the name Mike thinks we're considering would be great adult names. Great for when she's going out into the world & making a great success for herself. Yes, I have high hopes for her. But I can't picture our sweet girl with such a strong powerful name when she's so tiny.

There is another name that we're suppose to use if baby girl is born on someone's birthday. We made this person a promise, if we liked the name she could name her. It's a great name & EVERYONE loves it. Everyone seriously loves this name. I haven't had one negative comment on it......except for one person on Mike's side. It's the name of an ex-wife of someone. Everyone tells me & even Mike says it, "so what! what does that have to do with your/our daughter?". It has nothing to do with our daughter really & it shouldn't matter what we name her. It would be HER name. Yes, it's an ex-wife's name but it's also a friend's name that is partially to thank for our miracle even coming. She was a little birdy in my ear telling me "hey hey, maybe.....". I mean, Mike & I did the work so most of the credit goes to us. :) & God! We wouldn't be using the name to honor the birdy or to spite a family member opposed to the name. We'd be doing it because Mike & I both like the name & it's the name birthday person picked. I know we can't use it though because it would seem like we're doing it out of spite. That even though we know it may make some people uncomfortable we used it anyways. It's really not fair, it shouldn't be an issue because this is OUR daughter! Our Miracle! The good thing is this is only a problem we'll face if baby girl decides to share her birthday with someone. This single day out of the whole month. Then again, she may come out & the name will seem perfect for her. Then we're screwed! :)

So, hopefully baby girl's nick name will start kicking in because I've still yet to use it when talking to her. I like the nickname & I love that Mike had a dream about having a daughter with that name. It's very sweet. I just wish I could love a full name to go with it. :| It's very frustrating not having a name for her when she's due in 2 months.

The End!